Talking To Myself Part 2

To continue with my previous post, perhaps on some subconscious level I don’t want to be read. Otherwise, why would I have posted the last rant on a blog no one reads. I could have posted it to social media where people may actually read or comment. Perhaps it is better this way for the introvert.

That’s what I’ll tell myself anyway. 

The truth is there is a certain comfort in ranting and whining on this blog where it’s out there but not really. However, the fact remains when it comes to my writing and my sounds, I desperately want to be heard, and there lies the problem

I’ve been writing my whole life. I’ve been a published writer for nearly twenty years and involved in the noise/experimental music scene for thirty. I have been putting my art out into the world for my entire adult life. In that time, I have diligently tried to promote myself and I feel no closer to being somebody than when I started.

It’s frustrating. While I am nowhere near as prolific as I would like to be, I truly feel that the art I am producing is better than it has ever been. I truly feel my new book is the best book of poetry I have ever done. And my new album, hands down the best thing I have recorded. I am better than I have ever been, and until these doldrums hit, I was firing on all cylinders.

I don’t know what I expect when I put out stuff. What exactly? Look, I am a middle-aged guy and far from that naïve kid that I used to be. It’s not like I think I’m going to make a living writing poetry or making music… much less of the experimental kind. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will die in this factory. There is no escape. 

So, what then? What do I expect? Maybe a little more exposure. A little more acknowledgment. I don’t know, it’s stupid… who the hell am I anyway? The internet has leveled the playing field for the modern artist. It’s never been easier to disseminate words and sound, except there are millions of us, a sea of voices all screaming over each other to be heard, whoring our art on the web to little fanfare. What I want to know is does it cause others the same bleak depression it causes me? Is the innate need to make art a blessing or an affliction?

Talking To Myself: A Rant

Writing poetry is simply magic. The feeling of crafting a poem is unbeatable and the catharsis is ironically beyond words. However, being so open and vulnerable putting your work into the world can be almost embarrassing. It’s freeing, but also uncomfortable. However, much worse than that, much more embarrassing is sending a poem into the world and no one acknowledges it, let alone reads it. A pin drops. Radio silence. No one cares. You’ve opened and bared your soul to the world, except no one noticed.

What is the purpose of art? Is it that cathartic spark and unbelievable high of creation or is it self-expression? A little of both, I would say. The catharsis of creation is a feeling like none other, but if that was the sole purpose of art one would be satisfied to stop there. Some people can do that, some can’t… I can’t. There is always that need to push that piece of art out into the world. If you are expressing yourself that implies you are expressing yourself to someone. So, then the reader is crucial, otherwise you are just talking to yourself. And again, that is enough for some people.

In short, if the point of art is indeed self-expression then there is a need for an audience. And if the audience isn’t listening then you are talking to yourself. That depresses me. That hurts me on a molecular level. It hurts because you are putting yourself out there and no one really cares. My writing as fragmented, as weird, as experimental as it may be at times is personal. It may not always be obvious, it may be symbolic, but I am putting myself out there in a very, very personal way.

Does it matter? Is the reader crucial? After all, most artists will create regardless, sometimes not even because of want but because of necessity. But again, if that was truly enough, we would stop there. Why then is there the innate need to send our art into the world? Is it because no one wants to talk to themselves? Is it a desire to be something greater than what we are? I have hinged my entire being, my entire worth, on being a writer… not just someone who writes. But the label: WRITER. If I am not that then what am I? I am aware that is not healthy, and even a lifetime of meditating and studying Buddhism can’t stop me from clinging to that label… that identity I have created for myself. It’s a sickness and I am a junky.

One could say the poetry scene is a literary circle jerk more dependent on connections and social networking than talent. That’s part of it, sure, and that’s the easier pill to swallow. Really though, if anyone to blame it is I for believing anyone would care. It’s even more likely my fault for not crafting poetry or prose good enough to demand attention. I’ve been far surpassed by my peers, and they deserve all the success they receive because making any strides in the arts is tough as hell. But maybe I should stop deluding myself with the lie that they are better at socializing and networking than me… and maybe come to terms with the fact that they are simply much better writers and sound artists, and I am just not as fucking good as I thought I was.

I doubt I’ll ever stop writing or making sound, but I increasingly don’t see the purpose in publishing. Yet here I am hypocritically publishing this rant to my blog. The thing is I need to get it out, and the only reason I am comfortable enough to post it here and be so open and honest is simply because no one is going to read it anyway.

Roaring Through The endless

After last months Burroughs compilation from Church Of The Noisy Goat, I was asked to do a full length album. Obviously, I jumped at the offer. Today I am proud to announce that album titled Roaring Through The Endless. Longtime listeners may have noticed that my sonic experiments have gotten a little less noisy over the last few years, and this is a continuation of that. The tracks on this album are noisy meditations, ambient soundscapes from dark to beautiful done mostly on Moog synths. I may be biased, but I think its among the best solo work I have done. I hope you will check it out, along with the tons of experimental and avant-garde offerings from this excellent net label.

Cutting Up Burroughs

I am very proud to be included on this compilation from Church Of The Noisy Goat entitled Cut​-​Up: A Music Compilation in Honor of William S. Burroughs. My track, under the moniker of Broken Zen is titled The Ghost Of William S Burroughs Part 2. It’s no secret Burroughs is a huge influence and the cut-up method is a tool I employ on a regular basis, so I am super stoked to be a part of this compilation. This from the label:

Listen to our second netlabel compilation. Inspired and conceived in honor of William S. Burroughs and his industrial music work by cutting loops from magnetic tapes. We surpassed our goal with 62 beautiful tracks thanks to the cooperation of all the artists who follow us and support us tirelessly. We want to thank everyone and say that we are very happy that this has happened in our history and that we can share it.

This work demonstrates that Underground is very engaged. Unreleased and previously released tracks by artists of various musical styles, which proves that the artistic genre of collage developed by William Burroughs is omnipresent and very fruitful in experimentalism. I sincerely hope that you enjoy this work in partnership that is inserted today in our Bandcamp and take a copy by Free Download (Name Your Price) and have fun with this overview of the world scene of cut and paste sounds.

Cutting Up Russolo

My cut-up poem They Burst Out Of Themselves (A Cut-up Of Luigi Russolos’ Art Of Noises) is featured in this music themed collection alongside a whole lot of talented artists!

Psalms of the Alien Buddha: Part 2 from Alien Buddha Press is now available in both a b&w edition and a color edition and is 180 pages of music themed writing and art from over 50 very talented contributors.

Alien Buddha has been making some pretty cool stuff, and I’m stoked to finally be a part. Check them out!

More So… Disconnected

I’m ecstatic to be able to announce to you the publication of my newest publication of newest collection <Reboot> More So… Disconnected available now from the amazing Beir But Press. I am proud of this collection and am proud to be working with such a stellar press. I hope you will check out my new book, and anything and everything from Beir Bua who are working at the forefront of experimental literature.

Later this month, there will be an online launch, Click the link here for more info and to book your tickets now.

New Compilation

I am very proud to be included on a new drone compilation alongside some truly talented artists. Everything Lasts Forever And Nothing Ever Dies: A Compendium Of Drone In All Its Guises is the new compilation from Difficult Art And Music. It is not only available as a download, but also as an extremely limited edition cassette with a research magazine and audio embedded art print. I have one track included alongside other artists including Anatomy of the Heads, Johnathan Deasy, Distant Animals, Sascha Engel, Cheildon Frame / Drone Day, Brian Grainger, GRST, Heavy Cloud, Elise Plans, Metamorphic Rocks 
OK Soda, Felipe Vaz and Vilhelm Brømander. I hope you’ll check it out!


Hi guys, I hope this update finds every body well this Halloween season. It’s been a while since I have updated this blog and I actually have several things to tell you, so let’s get to it!

I have one track on the Save The Children Compilation from the aquietroom net label. This comp is full of all sorts of ambient and drone goodness and I am proud to be a part. All proceeds go to the Save The Children organization to help provide aid to the women and children of Afghanistan.

Another compilation has just dropped from Hello America Stereo Cassettes, a cool project that puts out digital and cassette releases fusing music, noise, and literature of all types. My track “Analog Machines” (which dropped a few months back with Beir Bua) is featured on their fall collection comp.

Dreich is an excellent literary journal hailing from Scotland and I am proud to have several poems featured in season 3/Number 12. I am proud of this one as I am in excellent company,

Speaking of proud, I am excited to announce I have two poems online over at the always excellent Beir Bua Journal out of Ireland. Beir Bua is a space to watch for sure, as they are making moves and doing some interesting things, including launching a barrage of interesting titles with Beir Bua Press.

Which brings me to the biggest news, and I guess it’s okay to spill the proverbial beans here, my next book titled <Reboot> More So… Disconnected will be released March 2022 from Beir Bua Press! I’m super stoked to have my next book brought into the world from a press that is shaping up to be one of the premier experimental small presses! I would like to give a huge thanks to editor Michelle Moloney King for selecting my work to put out into the world.

I have also have booked my first reading of 2022 (and my first reading in years, actually). More news on that in the future!

Until next time, Happy Halloween!

Two New Audio Poems

I’m very excited to announce two new audio poems up over at Beir Bua Journal. I hope you will take the time to not only check out my pieces, but everything that Beir Bua Journal and Beir Bua Press are up to! This wonderful experimental press out of Ireland is doing some amazing work and I look forward to having some poems featured with them later this year! I’d also suggest subscribing to their YouTube as well so you don’t miss a thing.